by: Kyle Olson
These are probably going to be last set of blurbs. There is a new music director selected (well, two, and they're both legit). So, in order to make these blurbs memorable, I offer you this chilling challenge: I intend to drink a full beer before every blurb. Well. I'm going to start with a shot of rum to get things going. Let's hope this is funny in any way. (This is probably already a bad idea as I have been going out way too often, and my immune system is suffering because of it. I have lack-of-sleep-caused AIDS. I don't think drinking a half dozen beers in an hour is going to be the best idea.)
OK. Shot of rum: done.
Stars – Do You Trust Your Friends? (Arts & Crafts)
OK. So, Broken Social Scene is out of goddamned control. Last week was the new Metric album. This week we have the Stars remix album. There are like freaking 30 dudes in that band so they can crack out a freaking album every week. Anyway: this album features remixes from their "Set Yourself on Fire" album, and has contributions from Final Fantasy, Jason Collett, Minotaur Shock, the Dears, Apostle of Hustle, Metric, Junior Boys, etc. It's not exactly one of those out of control remix CDs where everything becomes a bangin' club cut for you to grind up on some girl who won't get off her Sidekick phone and is constantly text messaging someone else. I saw that. In person. It was fuckin' crazy. Sam took a picture of them. I think he got caught doing so. Then I ate a cabeza taco from a street cart and John told me that it may have been illegal meat. I lead a dangerous and sexy life.
Beer one: done.
Airiel – The Battle of Sealand (Highwheel)
A tasty little slab of shoegaze/dreampop. My Bloody Valentine with more overt pop sensibilities. Rocketship and Spiritualized in a hugging contest. Nice warm blankets of analog haze to wrap around your brain like a…blanket. If I say that I am sort of non-plussed about My Bloody Valentine, will you guys cruficy me? Will that prove that I know nothing about music directing? Well, I guess it doesn't matter now, cuz I'm hella done. I love the shit out of Spiritualized and Rocketship though. And when I say "love the shit out of", I mean that literally. I enjoy them so hard that defecation occurs. I force shoegaze bands to wear depends undergarments.
Beer two: done (this already feels like a bad idea. I probably should have chilled these first).
Nonloc – Between Hemispheres (Strange Attractors)
"Between Hemispheres is a rhythmically dense and repetitive quasi-popular music work." That's weird. I guess that's what "pop" music is. Popular music. Odd. This is like, a vaguely pop take on the works of Steve Reich/Terry Riley/etc. Minimalist loops, but in a very warm and analog style, with acoustic guitars and keyboard pads. It reminds me a lot of the Books (the band, not the glued-together paper tomes with words and stories and such). So I just looked up this band on the internets, and one of the few links from their page is to a prison penpal program Oh what's up, prison ladies. You want a pen pal? We can talk about Olivia Tremor Control albums and how much I like books by Sarah Vowell. Wait, you don't know who Olivia Tremor Control and don't listen to This American Life in jail? Oh. NM. I guess we won't be having hot conjugal visits. Is that how you spell that word? There are also tips on writing to a prison penpal. Oh man. I sort of want to do this. This one guy is dressed like Santa, and goes by the name "Squirrely". I should write to him to find out why this is. I'm sure that's what this dude wants. Some bearded indie fuck writing to him in prison. They want to hear from laddddddiiiiieeeeeez. Also: this album is really good. It's been playing while I've been looking for prison penpals, and it's soothing and organic and interesting beyond it's minimalist nature. I say, make like a librarian and CHECK THIS OUT.
Beer three: done. Ugh. I feel ill already. I'm not really a drinker, let alone a guy who can drink a lot really quicky. I was hoping that I would be more drunk at this point though. Like. I still want to correct my spelling. What the heck.
Upsilon Acrux – Galapagos Momentum (Cuneiform)
OK. Read the name of this band and album. Now, take a guess what this shit sounds like. Did you say ridiculously over-complicated math-rock? Oh awesome. You win the prize? What's the prize? It's a dozen hugs from me! I am full of hugs. Like, imagine a gumball machine full of hugs. And you're like "oh, I got a quarter. I could play Street Fighter II or buy a hug", you buy that hug. Do you know what I'm saying? Twenty-five cents for human contact of a caring nature? Man. That sounds awesome. Sometimes I just like to be hugged. Plus, I think they're from SoCal so we should probably rep them, you know what I'm saying? Oh shit. They're playing a show with Mick Barr (of Orthrelm). Here is a video of Orthrelm live if you want to see that craziest shit evvvvvveeeeeeeerrrrrrrr. Dude. This album is completely out of control. (Trivia funfact: cuneiform is an early from of writing from the Sumerians dating back to, possible, 4000 BC. I hope you saw that this album is on cuneiform records, or you're going to think this little aside is completely random). A guy who produced Gravy Train did this album. What the fuck? Those are like, two opposite bands. What is this world coming to?
Beer four: Wait…
Jack Daniels shot one: At Todd's suggestion, we have moved from beer to whiskey. I haven't been able to LOOK at Jack Daniels since one day I drank straight from a bottle of it at John's house, and woke up in his closet with our friend Spencer reading be the Great Gatsby. I think some African-American porn was also placed on me ("Thick Sisters" or something).
I'm watching episodes of Kenny vs Spenny during these breaks. I'm watching the one where Kenny secretly gives Spenny four hits of acid. It's a great show.
Blitzen Trapper – Wild Mountain Nation (Self-released)
So, Pitchfork completely fellated this album a couple of days ago. I had passed on it last week, but now there's this shitstorm of critical acclaim. So, I figure I'd add it because either 1) I'm wrong and it's awesome and I'm an awful music director and you should hit me with a rock until I'm sad, or 2) We'll discover it's not that good, I'm right, and girls should shower me with kisses because I am a caring, intelligent, and humorous gentleman. Track one of this album sounds like some more listener-friendly Old Time Relijun, and almost sounds like it's skipping. So you skip forward to track two, and it's like, psychedelia-recovery era 70s classic rock, and it pretty much stays in that vein for the rest of the album, with a sort of Kinks-ish flare for pop songwriting. But sometimes it gets a little crazy. It's like OH WHOA CRAZY YEAH! That is how I will say that.
Jack Daniels shot two: Holy fuck do I hate whiskey. God I think I'm gonna puke. I'm just…averse to this shit now. Ugh. Vomitttttttt. I was really hoping to be destroyed at this point, and like, confessing my love for people and unable to spell anything (don't get me wrong, it's getting difficult to type, but I am fastidious enough to correct the spelling. And I mean, I just used the fucking work fastidious for Christ's sake). Well, you live you learn (LAUGH LOVE LIVE. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I'M EVERY BORING GIRL EVEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRR.)
Maserati – Inventions for the New Season (Temporary Residence Ltd)
The label that brought you Explosions in the Sky, et al brings you this album of trippy post-rock. Rolling Stone, apparently called it "Smooth riding sex rock". Yeah. I'll buy that. I'd bump peeners to this album. It wouldn't be my first choice though. Fun fact: Kyle lost his virginity to "XO". Is that sad or what? Ha. It wasn't my choice (the music, not the sex. I consented to that.). OK. Maybe it's because I have a decent amount of alcohol in me at this point, but this CD is sounding fucking amazing. Beautiful and exciting and lovely. And no vocals. Because vocals aren't post-rock. Rock has vocals. The music that comes after rock (post-rock) does not. Because in the future, we'll communicate with hand signs and pheromones. And deaf people will no longer be disabled. Another funfact: I wouldn't say I have a fetish for deaf girls, as I am not aroused by the prospect of a girl who is deaf, but something makes me…intrigued. I'm going to press on before my good sense leads me to delete that comment.
Jack Daniels shot 3: I am sort of sweaty, and I spilled beer all over my shirt. And I was promised that I'd get taken to Alerto's for burritos. Oh man. Doesn't a big-ass burrito sound so good right now? OK. Here goes the shot: ugh. So ill. I did my best to limit the amount of adds this week to a stronger set so I couldn't kill myself drinking. Typing is very difficult at this point.
Minus Story – My Ion Truss (Jagjaguwar)
Oh man. I need to get this done so I can go get a bigass burrito. Because, you know. With a buch of Jack and some beers in you, nothing sounds better than putting greasy-ass Mexican food in your stomach. "Minus Story makes noisy and melodic headphone pop". Headphone pop? When I hear that term, I think of albums by like…Microphones or Lullatone or something where there's a lot of little studio things that make listening to the album on headphones really rewarding. Maybe I should listen to this on headphones? Or, I could just crank through this and get to BURRITO HEAVEN (burrito heaven is like, the secrect levels in a video game where you get enough coins and get the bonus stage. My bonus stage has burritos). They say that this album is like "Pearl Jam, Roxy Music, and Brian Eno". Wasn't Brian Eno IN Roxy Music? You're lazy, label. It's like they took normal "pop" music, and buried it in layers of guitars and distortion and such. It's sort of nice at points, and a little distortion-y at points. Maybe you'll like it? Give it a shot! Try a new thing!
OK. So that's it for me. I am done as music director, prtty much. I just got the top 30 to do on Tuesday, and I relinquish my duties. I want to thank everyone at the station who was a sweetheart to me. The positive comments, emails, etc. was really sweet. Everytime someone took the time to say something nice, it completely made my week. I am not a guy who forgets a nice thing. You mean a lot to me. I worked hard this last year and a half to do a good job, and most people seemed to think I did. Thank you. I'm glad I was able to help out. The next MD, I think, will do just as good a job as I ever did. I love KUCI, I love the opportunity to help, I have been fortunate to meet some amazing people there, etc.etc.etc. I'm getting sappy. I apologize. Forgive a drunken music director his last goodbye. Thanks for letting me do this job. It was a honor to help out, and a thrill to get to do a good job for you. Sweet dreams, my little princes and princesses. You are tiny vikining champions of awesome. Much positivity and love for you.